| SORRY!!!! |
[22 Mar 2005|12:53pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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music |
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MCR |
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I'm sorry to everyone who asked to be added to my journal... I've decided to just make a new one. It's easier then deleting all of my old entries here, or turning them friends only. I'm really sorry. I'll add all the people who asked to be added, to my new journal, so they don't have to ask again. But if you didn't ask, you still gotta, but on my new one... So yeah.
Here's my new name and stuff.
delicatex
Sorry about the inconvience. And goodbye!
Love, Danielle
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| FRIENDS ONLY |
[17 Mar 2005|08:59pm] |
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mood |
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 creative |
] |
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music |
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chewing |
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I'm making it Friends Only from Now on. I've deleted all my friends and have to start from scratch, so everyone must comment to be added! Thanks.
<3 Danielle
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| lived or died? |
[17 Mar 2005|10:53am] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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between the buried and me |
] |
(DAY ONE) Asleep mid sentence- the words fell apart. No one is listening anyway. This day will soon turn black and my "wants and needs" will spill on my burning ashes. I learned to be selfish today... I learned to be alive. These things I care for are my personal gain and my personal happiness only. Why should I sit in your chair and satisfy your standards? I've done it all before, and I've confused myself a thousand times. The tragic day I call MORALITY just doesn't do it for me anymore (No more choices, just standing in the cold). The day will turn black and I will have either lived or died. Asleep midsentence, my economic satisfaction never succeed. But happiness has its place. Justice will not lie in your corners (New day towards death, only compassion for my own needs make my needs necessary).
(DAY TWO) Throw myself in a corner. I have nothing to complain about here. A tragic day seems too peaceful to most. Spoiled ambitions turned my heart to BLACK (I'm figuring out this realization process- the process to never look upon the bitter ground). Living dreams, loving dreams, awakening to what I've always dreamt of. The familiar sound of the lovely love from the love of my life, will keep the notes coming. From the reciting of the show, to plip, and shavenel, to grind that annoys and the sarcasm they all hate...
(FOREVER I WORSHIP, I'LL KILL, LOVE, AND HATE FOR ALL OF YOU. THANK YOU FOR THE BEST PART OF MY LIFE)
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| stolen |
[16 Mar 2005|11:36am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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bloodhound gang |
] |
took this from amanda... yeah.
 | You scored as Tongue Piercing. You're a naughty person aren't you? Being with you is probably lots and lots of fun. You're probably totally pimpin' too. Good for you, good for you.
Tongue Piercing | | 100% | Dirty Piercings | | 90% | Nipples | | 80% | Cartilage Piercing | | 80% | Belly Button Piercing | | 70% | Lip Piercing | | 70% | Labret Piercing | | 70% | Nose Piercing | | 60% | Earlobe Piercing | | 50% | </td>
What Piercing Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com |
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| "i won't let this build up inside of me" |
[06 Mar 2005|01:43pm] |
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mood |
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beautiful |
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music |
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spider man, spider man, does whatever a spider can |
] |
You are still single because you are afraid you
might get hurt, inside you, you are very
romantic but you never show it, cuz you don't
want someone to play with your feelings, you
like your parner to be understanding and
patient, someone who cares about you, deep
inside knows that you will find them one day.
Why are you still single? (girls& guys)
brought to you by Quizilla
Yep. So, I am at my dad's... and I'm gonna go eat soon, and look at houses. Sue loves my hair. That makes me feel better. She's really hard to please when in comes to that kind of stuff. My dad's gonna take me shopping later, for some shirts or something. Yeah. I'm bored. I'm gonna go. Today's a beautiful day!!!! <3!
you jump, i jump, remember?
...i'll never let go, i'll never let go
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| "i kissed a drunk girl on the lips" |
[07 Jan 2005|01:43pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
] |
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music |
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Brand New |
] |
Let's see... am I really a slut?
I HAVE KISSED SOMEONE:
on the cheek.
on the lips.
on their hands or fingers.
in my room.
in their room.
of the same sex.
of the opposite sex.
related to me. (in a family kind of way)
younger then me.
older than me.
with jet black hair.
with curly hair.
with blonde hair & blue eyes.
with flaming red hair.
with straight hair.
smaller/shorter than me.
bigger/taller than me.
with a lip ring.
who was drunk.
who was high.
who I had just met.
who was homosexual.
who I didn't really want to kiss.
on a holiday.
who was going out with someone close to me.
who was my good friend's brother or sister.
who had been/is in jail.
in a graveyard.
at a show/concert.
at the beach.
in a pool, jacuzzi, or some type of water.
who was legally too young/old for me to have sex with.
with dyed hair.
with a shaved head.
who was/is my good friend.
who was/is in a band.
who has tattoos.
who is of a completely different race than me.
in the rain.
in another continent besides where I was born.
with an accent.
with an std.
on a boat.
in a car/taxi/bus.
on a plane.
at the circus/carnival.
with a missing body part.
in the movies.
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| "this distance, this disallusion" |
[07 Jan 2005|11:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 morose |
] |
| [ |
music |
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straylight run - now it's over |
] |
moving in slow like the smoke from your cigarette.
every step closer's a step that we both will regret.
keeping a tally, but who can keep track?
your overreacting is taking me back to a time better left alone.
holding onto the phone, holding onto this glass, holding onto the memory of what didn't last.
waiting for better words, they'll never come.
so dry your eyes, it's better.
now it's done.
keep a tight grip like a child holding onto a swingset.
waiting and hoping to find what i can't figure out yet.
please don't unless this is something to me.
another nightmare instead of a dream.
better left alone.
holding onto the phone, holding onto this glass, holding onto the memory of what didn't last.
waiting for better words, they'll never come.
so dry your eyes, it's better.
now it's done.
i never lost so much.
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| "the cruelty of love" |
[13 Nov 2004|04:06pm] |
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mood |
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anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
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nineinchnails - halofourteen - two |
] |
so impressed with all you do
tried so hard to be like you
flew too high and burnt the wing
lost my faith in everything
lick around divine debris
taste the wealth of ,hate in me
shedding skin succumb defeat
this machine is obsolete
made the choice to go away
drink the fountain of decay
tear a hole exquisite red
fuck the rest and stab it dead
broken bruised forgotten sore
too fucked up to care anymore
poisoned to my rotten core
too fucked up to care anymore
in the back off the side far away is a place where I hide, where I stay, tried to say, tried to ask I needed to all alone by myself where were you? how could I ever think it's funny how everything that swore it wouldn't change is different now just like you would always say we'll make it through. then my head fell apart and where were you?
how could I ever think it's funny how everything you swore would
never change is different now like you said you and me make it
through didn't quite fell apart where the fuck were you?
God. I love that song. It's been in my head for days.
Yeah. I am really confused... by a lot of things.. I don't want to talk about it all though... I just don't know what I should do. There is too much drama for me right now... Work is a never ending soap opera. It's crazy... Micheal, Bobby, Bobby... Amanda. Me... We should see who else we can entangle into this web that we have created...
I don't know what I am going to do tonight. I can't decide. And I shouldn't be deciding anything... Everything was supposed to be off limits. I should know how far to go with some things... and yet I push it until it's at the very edge. And all I can do is watch as if falls...
I hate highschool.
Amanda and I skipped yesterday... Well we skipped most of the day. We went home after first block. It sucked because it was cold and we had to walk... But we went to Cherryvale with Jenni, David, Potato, and Nick afterward. That was fun... I liked not being at school...
I'm sick. I hate it. I have these dot things on the back of my throat... on those gland thingys.... I guess it's the beginning signs of strep throat or whatever. Great. But my throat doesn't hurt at all. My chest does though... and I'm all stuffy. It's gross...
Amanda and I hung out with Andy, Nate, and Dan Shelton last night... It was nice being with Andy and Nate again. I missed that... They wanted us to come play frisbe golf today, but we both have to work at 5.
I hate work.
I hate life.
The end. Ha.
all i ever wanted, was you in my life. you're all i ever wanted
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| "who's here to stop the bleeding?" |
[07 Nov 2004|10:32pm] |
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mood |
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nervous |
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music |
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some csi show... |
] |
Broken this fragile thing now.
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know
Here I go, SCREAMmy lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know
Here I go, scream my lungs OUT and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone [ I know you already have ]
Here I go, scream my lungs out and TRY to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
YOU ARE MY ONLY ONE
I didn't know how to start this entry... And that song is just so beautiful. It's been in my head all day, and I love it to death. It means so much more then I thought it would. I'm so lost right now.
I'm in the unexplainable mood that I cannot seem to get out right now. I'm just not quite there right now I guess.
So, another dull entry brought to you by me...
I went to Rockford with Jenni today... To try and scrap what little similarities there are between that and Chicago... I needed to feel the congestion and the city life... Which was not there for me today, I guess. But then again, Rockford has always sucked. So we decided to go to Cherryvalle. There, oddly enough as it's a Sunday, there were many people there. We walked around, ate pizza, stalked an extremely hot boy (Jenni think he was gay, I didn't even care, he was just so pretty!). I liked being at the mall. I actually had fun. Then we picked up Potato and Amanda... we went to Nick's and got some stuff. Drove around for a while. It was fun, I guess. Tomorrow Jenni's taking us to school. EXCITING. Yeah.
I hate how I read like a book, but a really bad, simple book. A book with no elegance... no romance... no lust... no future. I'm an empty book that should never be opened. I hate how blunt I am. I wish I held more mystery. I wish I wasn't so in your face... Like that, IN YOUR FACE, I just hate how that sounds. But it's me. I'm just sick of being me...
I don't know how much more of the choas here I can take. I don't know if I want to do this anymore... Live here, I mean. But I can't leave. It will only fuck up my whole future. I can't leave here until I leave for Chicago. I have figured that if I don't know what I am going to do exactly (since I am the least likely one to get into Columbia), I'll move to Chicago anyway, find a job, live with everyone... and give myself time to figure out where I am going... Which will not be nowhere.
Omigod... I just realized... What if I don't make it into a college in Chicago... What if I make it somewhere different, but away... How can I possibly make it into Columbia? I can't. I am in no way artistically inclined. I'm not going anywhere... I'm not ever getting out of here. I am going to end up just like my mom...
don't you love how i contradict myself so?
I am done for a while... A break of no relationships, of any kind. Romantically or physically. I need to let go off all that surrounds that for now... It takes up too much energy and time. And I don't have much of that right now. I need to stay away from those kinds of distractions... They are the ones that will bring me down.
this won't last forever. time won't make this better
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| "you have me" |
[31 Oct 2004|11:52pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
] |
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music |
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senses fail |
] |
A lot of stuff happened recently… Stupid things… I don’t know really. Shawn and I broke up. He broke up with me… He has a lot of stuff going on right now… I don’t know if we should be together. But I want to be. Which is weird because before he broke up with me I didn’t really know what I wanted…. And now I know. But it’s okay that we aren’t together. Because he I know what is going on with him is hard. I’ve been there before. And his mom is crazy… As is mine. So I know. And I’ll give him the time he needs. I just want him to know I care and that I am here for him. I don’t know… I just want things to go back to normal with everyone. Life is so chaotic lately…
I can’t update anymore… My mom is being stupid. Fucking cunt. God. I hate it when she’s all motherly on me. So yeah… Tomorrow or something… More. Yeah. Whatever… Bye.
that way you look at me…
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| "all i want to do is keep you" |
[27 Oct 2004|01:06pm] |
I am really confused... by so many things right now. I just don't know what's going on. Amanda and I stll aren't talking, but I did give her a ride this morning, and things seem to be a little better. Just a little, though... And I'm basically going to have to be with her all day... But it'll be okay, I hope.
Shawn and I are... fine I guess. I don't know. I think he is where I was last year, emotionally... I don't know if that makes much sense, but last year around this time I was really depressed, over nothing really... And he's right where I was.... and now that I am on the recieving end of it, I don't know how to handle it... And I feel bad, because this is what I made Chris go through for such a long time. But, Shawn, I don't know... I feel like I always have done something wrong, because he's always upset about something. And I'd like to make it better... but I don't know how to. I'm not sure what to think or do. Just go with it I guess...
And I am really tired of people talking about me... "well, I think I am going to be really immature and go around and ask people if I am more pretty than Danielle, because you know, that really will boost my confidence." Right Ericka. I don't care if she is or isn't prettier than me... Why make everything a competition? You have the 'love of your life' what more do you want? And why must you feel the need to try to make other people feel like shit? I think that you trying to make me feel worse about myself is the only way you can feel good about being who and what you are... Don't try to compare us, because we are two entirely different people.
Anyway... I was doing my homework last night when Potato and David came over... Eventually Amanda came too, and we smoked a little, first time in a while. Well, I got pretty messed up... and I passed out before I did my homework that is already 2 days late, and before I could take a shower... So my homework is going to be even more late.. and I am gross. Hehe. I did get more sleep than usual though, so I am not tired right now at all... Hopefully I have lots of energy for tonight... THE USED. Fucking shit. Heh.
Ye... tonight the Used is playing at the Rave, and I am going... I am excited. Shawn can't go though... too bad. But I have to go. Class has ended.
sometimes all i want to do is slit your throat
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| "... go on and on until it disappears" |
[26 Oct 2004|01:14pm] |
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mood |
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anxious |
] |
It's a tragedy that I have no time to spare, yet I find myself here. Yet again. On the same day as I wrote earlier. Hmm. Procrastinate much, eh? So, upon reading that of someone's life, I have come to the realization that this person is right. Attachment is the death of every relationship, romantic or not, I have come to realize. Being with someone day in and day out will eventually come to a halting stop, throwing everything you knew off course. This is the case with Amanda and I, I believe... Though I trust her and love her, maybe we have just grew tired of each other. Maybe the time we spent with each other, getting to know each other, just hanging out... maybe it's just done. I think we just don't understand each other like we thought we did. If I understood her as much as I thought, I would understand why she has a problem with whatever is going on... And yet, I sit here, simply confused as to the lack of communication between us. And if she understood me like I thought she did, this lack of communication would not be as it is... I would not feel that pressure of something undetermined when I am around her. I do not believe that if we truely understood each other, we would argue and fight as much as we do... Because, and I don't know if you had noticed, but this sort of thing happens a lot with us. Maybe it's just the mixture of us... maybe it's her... maybe it's me. I don't know. And not talking it over isn't solving anything, but then again it makes things a little easier. At least if we don't talk about it I don't have to face the end of my 'best' friendship. Because, and though it may not seem to be, this is so much harder than I thought it would be.
But, on to other things besides Amanda and homework...
Not much really to talk about... Besides Ericka. Ha. I guess she is telling people that she will never have sex with Chris, because Chris did me in other places... Once. Or twice. I can't remember, and it's not important. But it's funny that she is making a big deal out of something that is not important at all... Sorry Chris. Heh... Well, the teacher is here... and Shawn is right over there!! Eek. Bye!
and we'll fall into the hands of something incomplete
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| "you're taking up my time" |
[26 Oct 2004|11:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
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distressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the cure |
] |
It's been... well life I guess. Not too much has happened besides Amanda deciding not to talk to me. Whatever. I am just sick of this whole... "I'm talking to you... wait I'm not" bullshit that she does, at least twice every year. It's immature and I'm not going to deal with it. She won't tell me why she's not talking to me, fine. I'm not going to assume anything. It doesn't really matter why she's not talking to me, because whatever it is, it will be my fault. So, I don't really care. I'm just tired of it...
Anyway... Tomorrow, the Used at the Rave. Yep. I am so excited. Heh. And then Chicago on Saturday, Columbia.. Yeah. It should be fun. I hope. Car ride both times with Amanda... But I'll deal with it. I hope she can.
Yeah, so I am getting really behind in all my classes but this one... I need to get it together. I'm angry with myself... I'm just not getting motivated.
So... I guess Nya still likes Chris. And I guess he got a job at mcdonalds with her and Andy. Heh... She tells me everyday almost how she misses him. And she is still wearing his key (the mudvayne key thingy). Heh. Yeah. She's being stupid, but whatever. I don't know where it's going to get her...
I guess I am going to go.... Homework. Yeah... Bye...
you're such a sucker for a sweet talker
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| "join me in this..." |
[19 Oct 2004|11:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
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amanda chewing... brian asking for food. |
] |
I'm in a good mood, besides the fact that I am exhausted... But whatever. Shawn came over yesterday... It was fun. We went to Taco Bell and he decided to be cool and spill his gross Mountain Dew... It was fun. yeah, so I guess we are going out now... yeah. it's cool. I'm in such a blah mood. Andy gave us a ride to school today, and he's giving us a ride home. i guess he likes Neva now or something... Oh well. But, I'm glad we are okay now, you know, to the point where we can talk and be alright with each other... Anyway... Graphic Arts is boring, same with every other class today. I want to sleep. I guess I'm going to go... homework. Ahh... Bye.
and we'll do this together, because you know that i need it
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[16 Oct 2004|01:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 pensive |
] |
| [ |
music |
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orgy - blue monday |
] |
Stolen from Amanda... who stole it from Mike... who stole it from...?
Thirteen Random Things You Like:
1] reading
2] art
3] makeup
4] clothes
5] piercings
6] hair dye
7] kissing
8] sex
9] friend
10] boys
11] earrings
12] computers
13] talking
Twelve Movies: (no order)
1] Titanic
2] Mall Rats
3] The Notebook
4] American History X
5] Requim for a Dream
6] Alice in Wonderland
7] Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
8] American Beauty
9] The Life of David Gale
10] Signs
11] Armagedon
12] Dogma
Eleven Bands and Artists (no order):
1] Taking Back Sunday
2] My Chemical Romance
3] Nine Inch Nails
4] Brand New
5] Stabbing Westward
6] Thursday
7] Orgy
8] Mudvayne
9] Ashlee Simpson
10] Britney Spears
11] Maroon 5
Ten Physical Things About You:
1] auburn/brown hair
2] full lips
3] tall
4] pierced tongue
5] chipped finger nail polish
6] scars
7] small hands
8] blue/gray eyes
9] long torso
10] ears pierced
Nine Good Friends: (no order)
1] Amanda
2] Jenni
3] Bailey
4] Ashly
5] Nick
6] Potato
7] Amanda K
8] David
9] Stephanie
Eight Favorite Foods & Drinks:
1] Cereal
2] chocolate
3] Root Beer
4] Pepsi
5] soups
6] shakes
7] watermelon
8] doughnuts
Seven Things You Wear Daily:
1] a bra
2] shoes
3] tongue ring
4] eyeliner
5] lipgloss/chapstick
6] earrings
7] hair tie on wrist
Six Things That Annoy You:
1] Closeminded people
2] People who tell me everything, yet I don't even know them
3] Slow drivers
4] The noises that people make while eating
5] Amanda and her tongue ring thingy that she does just to annoy me
6] sometimes my sister
Five Things You Touch Everyday:
1] Amanda... because, well it's true.
2] eyeliner
3] food
4] water
5] cigarettes
Four Shows You Watch:
1] The OC
2] Sex and the City
3] Queer as Folk
4] Friends
Three Celebrities You Think Are Sexy:
1] Johnny Depp
2] Adam Lazzara
3] Kate Winslet
Two People That You Have Kissed:
1] Shawn
2] Amanda
One Person You Could Spend The Rest Of Your Life With:
1] myself, I guess...
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| "something new to entertain the old" |
[16 Oct 2004|12:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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fallout boy |
] |
I'm really tired, but I can't sleep... I don't know what's wrong with me tonight. Yeah... So Shawn rode my bus home after school. We hung out for a bit; until I had to go to work. I don't know what's going on between us. I don't know if we are just... yeah, or if we can be something maybe more. I know that I like him, more than I thought I would. I always feel really comfortable around him, and he always makes me laugh. I don't know what's going to happen, though. He came to work when I got off. I ate with Nick's family and him. It was actually a lot of fun. I kind of miss him. But yeah... I don't know.
I have to go to Wisconsin tomorrow. Ugh. I am not looking forward to four hours of driving there... and then back again on Sunday. But I guess it's worth it. It may be the last time I get to see my grandma... I mean, god, she's 90 years old.. Who knows when I'll see her next...
Anyway... I don't know what else to say. I'm so dull lately. I just feel empty... but not in the bad way. I don't know how to explain it. But whatever. I'm gonna try to go to bed. Night...
thanks for acting like you cared
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| "it's been a long long time since i've looked at you" |
[15 Oct 2004|11:58am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 horny |
] |
Things have gotten better... boring still, but better. Not that I know what's going on with this whole situations, but since nothing is happening, I am guessing that things will be okay... Um... I have to go to WI all weekend. I hate it there. Fuck. This sucks. I'm dull...
Amanda k is my dollface. I love her OH SO MUCH!!
Ahhh. HAPPY BIRTHDAY J TO THE KNEE!!! You kick so much ass! Muhahaha. yeah... so I'm done.
it's been a while since i really spent time with you, wish i could take back the time that i had
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| all i needed... |
[12 Oct 2004|04:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
thoughtful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
AMANDA! |
] |
Homecoming was so much fun. It was a blast! Yeah... But Ericka stole Amanda's bowl out of my car and broke it. Yeah... So Amanda's really pissed, I guess. She's gonna talk to her about it tomorrow and whatnot. Yeah... She's gonna make her pay for it. But I mean, I don't know what she was thinking... Yeah. Oh, and thanks Scott. With out you, I would've never known. Yeah... I'm gonna break up with Andy. I feel bad, but it's just not working. Yeah... Sean... YEAH.
Ahuh, oh yeah! oh yeah! I hate forensic science... Grr, I gotta go to work. FUCK. Crappy update. More later! bye!
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| "look for the beauty with the broken smile" |
[08 Oct 2004|09:37am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
asshole rapping |
] |
Fourth block... We decided yet again to come here, so I am yet again, not doing my work. Whatever. I don't care. Fuck school, I guess.
Shawn and I are hanging out Monday I guess. He's pretty hot, and he's funny, so it should be cool. I don't know. I'm not sure what I am doing.
It really doesn't feel like I have a boyfriend. We don't talk much... it's kind of pointless. I don't know really how to make it better. But we lack something that I really want... I think maybe a connection. We're pretty dull.. But whatever. I don't think anyone really understands my doubt with him... Things are just not how they should be. And I'm not comfortable with him like I should be. I feel like I disappoint people with my doubt, but I really can't help it. I'm not trying to make this situation harder than it is... But it's just happening. I don't like it anymore than anyone else does. In fact, I don't like it at all. I don't really know what to do. Wait it out I guess... Go with the flow. Whatever, like it matters. I doubt he even knows somethings off with us. He's just so...vague.
But then again... he's pretty hot, to me anyway. I know others with disagree. And he can make me feel really good. But that's not a lot of the time... just sometimes.
I am starving. I need to eat and smoke... I want something to eat right now!
Heh... FAT GIRL STARVING. I have to go buy my HC ticket... yeah. I am going to look hot tomorrow. I don't care how conceited that is, I know I will... and if I don't, I am going to be angry. Heh. 6 minutes... 5, sorry.
I am going. This kid next to me is soooo fucking weird. He's rapping about OJ Simpson. Loser... Jason something. haha. I don't like him.
Bye...
bring me here
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x__broken__x's journal
frustrated